Vice Principle Blames a Virus for Pervy Messages

There are creepy people everywhere. Some of them give us a bad feeling when we pass by, while others make us wonder if humanity should go on (like Lindsay Lohan). There are others still that make our flesh crawl...

This Justin Bieber wanna be freak is the latest addition to the wastes. Not simply because of his hair, beady eyes, or pervy grin. When I see this picture, my brain cannot help escape thinking "Pedo"..

Meet Charles Hurst, the vice principal at Pennbrook Middle School in the North Penn School District in North Wales, Pa. Mr. Hurst had apparently taken interest in a teenage boy and is described by the teen's mother as a "Father Figure". Indeed Mr. Pedo Hust was a good friend to the boy. Hurst and the 13-year-old boy would spent many hours together and enjoy many adventures, including trips to the gym, skiing, 76ers games, provided him an allowance, and talks about masturbation.

Wait... What?

I know.. hard to believe that the gentleman on the left could be that creepy.. I mean look at that hair do.. and that grin... and... ewwww... He makes Michael Jackson seem masculine.

The teenager reported that their relationship started taking on an inappropriate nature when Mr. Hurst Creepy Pervert informed him how masturbation would make him feel "smarter and happy." Mr. Creepy should have also warned about blindness and unsightly palm hair as well.... just sayin'. His creepiness did not end there.

According to the teen, Mr. Charles "The Creep Master" Hurst would give him a dollar bonus on his allowance, if he told him about the times he masturbated. I know what all of you guys are thinking... "Where was he when we were teenagers, we would have been rich." He would also text the teen with such endearing comments as ...

"Remember ur week is run, [masturbate] and read in that order! Love you - goodnight!"
"No joke buddy. Those 3 things need to get done. Were u able to [masturbate] since u got back?"

Mr. Creepy Pervy had an explanation for such obscene text messages... his phone had a virus and sent those naughty messages... to that one child... It must have been the "Creepy-pedo-justin beiber" virus I have heard so much about. On the upside, Mr. Hurst was arrested and charged with  Endangering the Welfare of a Child, Corruption of Minors and Possession of Cocaine.

*Edit* Lady T had pointed out that he was even creepier than originally stated... (I know... how?)
"He also offered the teen money to masturbate and wanted to teach the teen's younger brother how to do it, the affidavit said."
Also, Hurst allegedly requested to see the victim's penis twice. Thanks Lady T... makes my skin crawl even more.
 

Grandma Nutter v.s. the Anti-Christ

We all have crazy relatives. You know the one that you don't want showing up for Thanksgiving? Yeah, that one. I remember my Great Uncle Dreadmuse used to strip nekkid and declare himself King of the Potato People.... but I digress....

Watchers of the Wastes, not everyone posted here are simply unfit for humanity, others are just completely effed in the head. Meet Grandma Clanton. Sandra Clanton is a 39 year old grandmother of an adorable 9 month old grandson.

 Grandma, Mom, and friend of the family were all together, with the little bundle of 9 month old joy. Seems like a fairly boring event. Well, Grandma went psycho on a biblical level. According to police Grandma set the child down next to the sink, then slammed his head on the counter and slashed his face with a butcher knife.


Luckily Mom and friend had time to bust Grandma Nutsy and get her away from the child. The police state that she tried to kill the child because it was the "Anti-Christ".... Yep, Grandma lost it on a biblical level. What ever happened to just pinching the baby's cheeks? The child is expected to make a full physical recovery... mentally could be a different story. It will make for some great stories around the holiday. " Hey Timmy, remember that time Grandma tried to kill you because you were the anti-christ?... yeah... good times... good times..."


On a more personal note, this woman was obviously psychotic... According to Mama Dreadmuse, I am the Anti-Christ. Damn 9 month old poser.... You can't usher in the Apocalypse while you are still wearing Huggies.

Captain Wiener Got an Eyefull

People that know me, know I am really an open minded person. I've been involved with groups where you really have to accept people or at least be polite and tolerant. Now that I've said that... These next two Wanderers of the Wastes may be changing my opinion on this.

Matthew Rayfield, 43, and Diane Orosz, 47, were busted, in the buff, having sex behind a vacant house in Pompano Beach, Florida. While this may seem private, the back of the house faced the Intracoastal Waterway. Their sexual stint in the sunshine was witnessed by many vessels that were passing by the, rather unfortunate, incident. Authorities were notified.

Enter Captain Wiener, (not like that you perverts) Captain Wiener of the Broward County Sheriff’s Office. According to the officer’s report, Rayfield was spotted with a “full penile erection” (hurray for Mr. Rayfield) and Orosz was “leaning over forward with her vagina exposed.” The couple said that they were “celebrating their anniversary.”

So why are these two here in the Wastes? Because I got to say Captain Wiener, vagina, and penile erection all in one story. That and… lets face it… there are some things you just DON’T want to see when you are out on your boat.

The thought of these two playing 'hide the salami'  in the back yard may kill the sex drive of many Watchers of the Wastes. Dreadmuse assumes no responsibility for loss of affection, erection, or lunch.

Weed, not for the Faint of Heart

Ok, here is a great story about the "Wasted" of the Wastes. In Helena, Montana, a teen was looking to score a little weed, smoke, mary-j, wacky-weed, screw it... He wanted to buy some pot. Now I'm pretty open minded and ordinarily, a pot buy would not get someone listed as a resident of the Wastes. This moron sent the following text message "Hey Dawg, do you have a $20 I can buy right now?" Unfortunately, it did not reach the intended dealer, it went to Leo Dutton. Leo is a very fitting name for this Law Enforcement Officer of Lewis and Clark county.

The obliging sheriff went ahead and set up the deal at a store where the teen and his friend said they would be. The boys (ages 15 and 16) did indeed show, eager to get their 'mellow' on. One even had his father, who had no idea of the deal the boys made. The sheriff knew he had the right bong toking boys, after calling the boy's phone number three times.

It is not just that these boys accidentally made a dope deal with a cop or that the cop was named Leo (Though the irony is killing me) that placed them here. It was the bust. *Que "Cops" theme song* As the detective showed the boys his badge, one of them fainted.

No citations issued, it seems the parents are more than willing to "handle" this privately.

Brandon Smith, Giving Smith's a Bad Name

Watchers of the Waste, "Smith" is a very common name and often has a bad reputation as being a fake name given to hotel desk clerks. Brandon Smith is our newest resident of the Wastes. Despite his apparent love for computers and being a bad guy he should not be mistaken for Agent Smith, from "The Matrix." To Clarify...

Agent Smith (left)= Kick ass bad guy/ Brandon Smith= Pathetic waste of humanity/ Will Smith= Completely Unrelated

Now that we are familiar with the different Smiths, lets focus on Brandon. As I said, he loves computers and loves being a bad guy. So, combining both loves he decided to rip off someone's iPad and ended up ripping off far more than the latest apple product. Smith,20, had tried to steal an iPad from 59 year old Bill Jordan. The problem was the iPad was in a bag, the string from the bag was wrapped around Jordan's left pinky finger and was badly mangled and part of it had to be amputated. This led to Brandon Smith to have third-degree assault added to a robbery charge. Mr. Brandon Smith has a history with the police, as his arrest report shows. He was out committing more robberies, all while on parole. In one, he kicked a man in the face and broke the victim's jaw.

But Wait.. there's more...
Denver police intercepted a letter from Mr. Smith to someone on the outside. Here are some of the snippets from his letter.

“You get this done!and I go on anything I’ll rob a bank if you want me too. Just do this for your boy and I got you for sure. You know how we do it,” Smith wrote.  “That’s the address, so handle it A.S.A.P.”  “I really need this otherwise it’s a wrap!! If you do this, case is dropped.”

I suppose he may have forgotten about the video's, still frames, and eye witnesses. So he moved from thug to stupid fuck.

But WAIT!!! There's more!!!

Mr. Smith did offer out an apology to the victim.

"I was really bad on drugs. I was taking heroine and speed," Smith said.
"I'm sorry for whatever, and for him losing his finger. That's awful from just a theft. That's a bad theft gone wrong, you know what I'm saying."

Not only is Mr. Smith a pathetic thief, he earns his Waste of Humanity title with every headline he makes while in jail. Even on a good day, will never be as cool as Agent Smith and there will never be a Brandon Smith Action Figure. This is kind of tragic, since even Will Smith has one.

Hester the Molester

The world is full of sick bastards and John K. Hester is one of them. Please welcome the newest recruit to the Wastes, 47 year-old, from San Tan Valley, Arizona. He was arrested for kissing young girls and lifting their shirts. Normally I am cautious about calling anyone a molester, it is one of the single most vile crimes I can think of. However, the "Neighborhood Grandpa" was feeling pervy with two sisters aged 8 and 5.

The victims told detectives that Hester had put his tongue in their mouths, lifted up their shirts, and kissed their stomachs. The victims were at Hester's residence, playing with his grandchildren. Again... normally I am reluctant to blast someone as a molester... but this sick son-of-a-bitch admitted it.

“I kissed the girls on the lips, and they must have ran back and told their dad, I messed up, I should not have kissed them.”

Sick ...

He gets 4 out of 5 bars of soap... hopefully he will drop them all several times. That way his cell mate can help him get in touch with his feminine side.

When A Princess Attacks

Cinderella is a beautiful Disney character, featured in movies and even has children songs. Who can forget the classic..



Cinderella, dressed in yella, went downstairs to kiss a fella. Made a mistake and almost hacked off some chicks arm, with a hatchet and narrowly missing her month old child, while trying to rip off a purse... How many charges will she face?...




Yeah, that's right. The years have not been good to poor Cinder... In fact, you could say she no longer resembles that darling princess...

Meet Cinderella Lavine, 31, of Gulfport Florida and Waste of Humanity feature of today. Cinderella, with a six year old daughter in tow, attacked a woman after exiting a Pinellas Suncoast Transit Authority bus. Not just attacked, but attacked with a hatchet, according to the St. Petersburg Times. 

The hatchet wielding hag struck the victim, a mother holding an infant, on the shoulder. Cinderella barely missed the woman's infant before trying to snag the victim's purse. That's right she attacked a woman, holding an infant, with her own six year old daughter present, with many witnesses to steal a purse (Arrest Report).

She was apprehended, after fleeing the scene. She was searched and they found the hatchet, two steak knives, a clawed hammer and a glass slipper. She claimed these items were for self defense. After her arrest she was able to slip out of the handcuffs and tried to escape from the back of the cruiser. Apparently there was no prince charming to whisk her away, because she was quickly re-handcuffed.

Because she is not just a psycho, but tried to kill her victim, almost struck an infant and she had her own daughter with her, Cinderella has been rated 3 out of 5 psycho mouse ears.